E PLURIBUS MORON

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Meat is Getting Beat

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Meat used to be the great uniter in America. Why, our colonial forebearers would always politely invite over the Indians for some mutton before shooting they’re children and raping their land. Then in the 1960s the hippies came along and made every lame girl in America an awful vegetarian. Now, USA Today is reporting that Americans are eating 12% less meat than they did just five years ago. Good gravy!

A lot of this is of course tied to the recession. Meat products that aren’t served through a drive through window are expensive and meat has always been a big show status symbol. Remember back in 2007, when the Palm Steakhouse had a luxurious $2800 “Let’s throw out an entire Kobe Beef Loin” lunch for two. It was extraordinary and, but because of the economy and much like someone who eats red meat too much, is now dead and gone.

Of course 12% less of a 24 oz porterhouse steak from IHOP is still a shocking quantity of meat for almost all cultures. I am confident though that Americans will weather this meat drought:as we recently learned, Puerto Rico will fix this problem by selling us all cheap and tasty iguana meat. Also we learned last year Taco Bell’s ground meat hardly has any actual meat in it.

Yes, we are indeed prepared to handle a crisis of these savory proportions.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

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