E PLURIBUS MORON

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Newty and the Oops hit Hollywood

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Guys there is no way around it: America got some AMAZING news today. No it has nothing to do with the economy or jobs, rather Newt Gingrich’s campaign is floating the idea of a Gingrich-Perry ticket. Neither of these people will ever be elected President/Vice President.

HOWEVER there is a silver lining: this announcement does open the door to the wonderful opportunity of casting Newt and Rick together in a series of buddy movies! Think how amazing that would be: Newt Gingrich as the short tempered wiseguy/racist, and Rick Perry as the handsome forgetful ladies man/racist. Here’s are some big screen pairings for them:

-A Bing Crosby/Bob Hope Road to… movie where Gingrich and Perry drive somewhere and demand that the Federal Government stop spending money on road construction

-A Lethal Weapon like movie where Newt Gingrich, in black face as Danny Glover, accuses minority cops of being lazy and Rick Perry, as Mel Gibson, tries really hard not to say the N-Word to Newt.

-A Lord of the Rings like movie where Ron Paul plays Gollum/Smeagol (he wouldn’t even need make up!)

-A Bodyguard like movie. Perry as Costner, Gingrich (again in black face) as Houston. It would be BEAUTIFUL.

-A Shrek like cartoon. Ya know, because Gingrich is a fat hate-filled ogre and Perry is an ass.

-A Thelma and Louise like movie where Gingrich and Perry drive around the south disempowering women. Sarah Palin will play the hunky Brad Pitt character.

-A Turner and Hooch like comedy where Newt Gingrich plays a bear and then Perry shoots him.

-A Men in Black movie where Newt gets to realize his Moon Colony fantasies. And again is in black face because he’ll be the Will Smith character.

These movies are gonna be SIIIIIICKKKKKK.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 12, 2012 at 6:51 pm

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