E PLURIBUS MORON

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Rick Santorum v. 90% of Web’s Content

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If Al Gore created the Internet, then Rick Santorum is here to destroy it.

As part of his moral crusade to save America from the evils of post-Treaty of Westphalia life, Rick Santorum announced today that as President he would harshly crackdown on internet pornography. I mean he would just grab internet porn by it’s throat, hike up its skirt, call it a dirty slut and punish fuck it until it leaves our world wide web alone.

Why now though? As anyone who has ever been on the internet knows, pornography is mildly popular on the web. Well, Santorum’s website claims that “The Obama Administration has turned a blind eye to those who wish to preserve our culture from the scourge of pornography and has refused to enforce obscenity laws.” Umm I don’t think you can blame Obama for the profliferation of digusting internet porn: in fact, I’m pretty sure that “Two girls, one cup” came out during the Bush administration. Obama actually would have stopped tha video’s release because, as we know, that disgusting video promotes some very unhealthy eating habits (vomits all over desk).

I’m curious to see how this will affect his appeal with our nation’s perverts. Will they turn out to vote against him? And if they do will I have to use the same voting booth as they do? Because I am just not willing to touch that leaver or the booth’s curtains.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

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