Reflections of the reflexively sarcastic

Dear Readers,

As you sit in your turkey induced coma (why did I use xanax in the stuffing instead of raisins??), you may have the foggy recollection of the families on TV sitting around the Thanksgiving table saying what they’re thankful for.

Of course that’s only on TV, as most families sit around praying no one gives Cousin Todd an opening to discuss World of Warcraft or that no one leaves Aunt Kiki unattended next to the Chardonnay. But I thought as your blogging moral guide I would share the idiotic things that I am grateful to blog about this year:

1. Bristol Palin’s hilarious vagina and not so funny dancing

2. Glenn Beck’s lepruchan-like love of gold

3. Anti-gay Christian bullies who are afraid of anti-Christian gay bullies

4. The people of Florida’s weird issues with crime

5. The Tea Party ~sob~ I love you guys ~sob~

6. Four Loko, which I actually served at Thanksgiving

7. George W. Bush’s memoirs

8. The manliest movie of all time- Burlesque

9. Cheese stuffed into places where cheese really shouldn’t go

10. That Thanksgiving is a holiday that doesn’t involve sitting in synagogue for 3 hours and starving my sins to death

Merry Christmas, y’all!