E PLURIBUS MORON

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Happy African American Friday!

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Shopping! Shopping! Shopping! Since everyone in the country is too bloated from stuffing to have a crazy sex orgy, the nation as a whole is participating in our annual capitalism orgy!

Now I understand the importance of whipping people into shopping frenzy, because let’s face it, without the holiday season the nation’s economy would be as lively as a Mormon coke party. But remember, there is a difference between whipping up a positive frenzy and frenzied pistol-whipping.

I am of course talking about an incident this morning where a 21-year-old Wisconsin woman “cut in line (at a Toys ‘R Us) and then threatened to get her gun and shoot the people who complained.” Of course the woman was arrested, but isn’t being at Toys ‘R Us at 6 a.m. kind of worse than prison anyway?

So while it’s ridiculous to threaten to kill people at a Toy store, it’s important for everyone this time of year to remember that our great nation’s many lower end department stores, like Wal Mart and K-Mart, sell lots of scary high end guns. Oh sure you can use your Tech-9 at Nordstrom just fine, but only an idiot would try that stuff at Bass Pro Shop. (That’s right Red state America, I know what Bass Pro Shops is.)

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 26, 2010 at 1:12 pm

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