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Posts Tagged ‘MSNBC

The Partisan Dweeb

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Uber-liberal former Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich is probably best remembered for running goofy, failed campaigns to become President of the United States and serious, successful campaigns to become President of Fern Gully. Now he has a whole new chance to expand his legacy, as it was announced yesterday that he will become a contributor to Fox News.
If I knew how to say this to him in Elvish I would, but sadly I don’t so here goes in English: Don’t Dennis! Fox News only hired you to make fun of you!
Fox News has a long history of hiring dorky, submissive nerdlinger liberals to go up against their burly, uber-mensch Conservatives. I mean, Alan Colmes has both the rhetorical might and upper body strength of an 8-year-old girl. Dennis Kucinich isn’t going to fair a whole lot better. In fact, that Sean Hannity is exactly the type of lunkhead jock who would invite a spaz like Kucinich on his show just so that he can give the former Congressman a swirly!
Of course, it’s not like Fox News is the only partisan cable outlet that hires dweebs from the other end of the political spectrum to appear balanced while actually only making the partisans from their side look better. MSNBC has a number of “conservatives” on retainer like former DNC Chairman Michael Steele whose conservative-for-MSNBC political beliefs match up eerily well with Juan Williams’ liberal-for-Fox-News beliefs. Steele definitely appears to be a delicate nerd, although that might be because compared to Rachel Maddow anyone would look feminine.
So kudos Fox News! You’ve found yourself a fine punching bag…

Written by Your Benevolent Editor

January 17, 2013 at 5:21 pm

Keith Olbermann is the worst

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It’s funny that the man whose TV show used to feature a “Worst Person in the World” segment every night is himself one of the worst people in the world. I am of course speaking of Keith Olbermann, who just last week was fired from Al Gore’s uber-liberal/wildly depressing television network Current TV for being too difficult to work with.

Indeed, the best part of the story is that Olbermann was so obnoxious that he is being replaced with Famous Whore-patronizer/disgraced former NY Govenor Eliot Spitzer because I guess Current TV wanted to be associated with a less unsavory character than Olbermann.

Let’s take a minute though to really reflect on how amazingly unpleasant Olbermann must have been to work with; being thrown off of Current TV for being too caustic and obnoxious is like being thrown out of the Oberlin College Freedom for Palestine Club for being, well, too caustic and obnoxious. Now, as a BIG fan of Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly I’m not saying there isn’t a place in our media for such entertaining retardery (that’s a word I just made up can you tell?), but Hannity and O’Reilly are at least good at it. Olbermann is smart but petulant like a child, where as Bill O’Reilly is kinda fun with the reasoning skills/intellect of a child. You can guess which one is makes for better TV.

So let’s all pray that no one offers Olbermann another job until he changes his ways. Really if MSNBC and Current TV can’t deal with you the only lower rung on the ladder would be, like, hosting a webchat show on the Huffington Post. After that it’s straight to fetish porn! Yeah, I think that’s probably the best career trajectory for this douche.

Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 2, 2012 at 11:25 am

Ed Schultz and the poetry of Curse Words

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Oh MSNBC why are you so awful?

The network that pulls in a full 1/3rd of the viewership of Fox News (oh hey FNC, my lover of lovers!) has found itself caught up in an unfortunate situation: Ed Schultz, the less popular left wing version of Rush Limbaugh who considers shouting to be political commentary, called Laura Ingraham, an equally awful right wing pundit, a “talk slut” after she criticized Obama for travelling to Europe as tornadoes ravage the Midwest.

Schultz has since been rightly suspended and apologized. Good for him, because the big problem here is that Ingraham is not a “slut”: frankly no sane person would touch her. Oh sure, she is without a doubt an awful person: to suggest that Ingraham “dislikes” Mexicans is to also suggest that Rabbi Menachem Schneerson “dislikes” pork , so if you think about it calling her a “harpy” or a “bitch” would have been much more accurate.

So you see this is the problem with hyper-partisan TV hosts: their blunt opinions and constant screaming means they lose the beautiful subtly of language. How about calling her a “bile-spewing xenophobic thunder cunt”? The poetry in that phrase is just so LOVELY…

Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 26, 2011 at 10:17 am

Posted in Socialists

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What will 1/8th of Bill O’Reilly’s audience do now?

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Now I know that Congress just got purged of it’s favorite screaming liberal Alan Grayson, but it looks now as though the air waves are being cleared of loud embarrassing liberal voices as well. Sad. Who will can we direct our liberal self-loathing at now?

As you might have guessed, a scandal has just erupted as Keith Olbermann, a.k.a. Rush Limbaugh in a cheaper suit, has been indefinitely suspended from MSNBC for “violating the ethics policies of his employer earlier this year when he donated to three Democrats seeking federal office”. Couldn’t he have just baked them a nice cake in the shape of his liberal bleeding heart?

Olbermann is accused of donating to loser Jack Conway, handsome congress-lady Gabrielle Giffords and some guy names Raul Grijalva. Grijalva? Really? That sounds like a typo, not an unethical political donation.

But ya know what? Screw Keith Olbermann. This guy’s frothing mouth and holier-than-thou attitude is a big embarrassment to liberals, and it’s clear that Rachel Maddow has stolen both his thunder and his haircut. Of course, Fox News would never punish itself for donating $1 million to the Republican Party. But hey, that’s why Jesus was socially progressive, right? Liberals love being punished for the good of others.

Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 5, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Posted in The Media

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