E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Posts Tagged ‘Lobbying

The Lobbyist of Victims

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The partisan gridlock that has taken over Washington has effected us all: important bills don’t go passed, vital projects don’t get funded and Ed Schultz continues to have a reason to be on TV. It’s awful. But ya know who is really the biggest victim in all this? Democracy K Street Lobbyists.

Politico is reporting today that K Street Lobbying firms are in quite a funk since Congress became the Polish tank of national legislative bodies (i.e useless and eminently combustible). “This year, in particular,” notes the author “the election sucked all the oxygen out of Washington leaving K-Streeters with nothing to pitch new clients on and little work to do for existing clients.” By the way, if news about hordes of lobbyists with nothing to do tugs at your heart-strings, I have some articles about starving vampires in Transylvania to send you! (Note though that starving vampires are not the same thing as sexy vampires.)

Indeed, one study of the lobbying industry found that tragically under Obama the number of client registrations dropped from “22,709 in the third quarter of 2008 to 17,917 in the third quarter of 2012.” NOOOOO!!!

Clearly we have an endangered species on our hands. Indeed, much like the Panda and its limited bamboo-only diet, the lobbyist subsists on a precarious diet of shady corporate cash. Paper is a nutrient poor, and the Giant Lobbyists’ natural feeding habitat – steak restaurants and cigar bars – are shrinking fast as well. Couple that with sickos like Obama who hunt these majestic, Rolex wearing beasts for fun and we might have an extinction on our hands!

So please, won’t you help save the Giant Lobbyist today with a contribution of just $250,000 to your local influence peddler?

PS – The Coal Industry has paid me to tell you and several Congresspeople that while we must preserve the Giant Lobbyist, Polar Bears can go fuck themselves.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

January 23, 2013 at 12:03 pm