E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Finally, a Bi-Partisan Gun Control Solution

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While our nation is (somewhat) divided by what new gun control measures we should take in the wake of the Newtown School Massacre, there is at least one bright spot on our fractured horizon: the deportation of loudmouth CNN Anchor Piers Morgan. Politico is reporting that over 65,000 people have signed a new user-created petition on Whitehouse.org accusing Morgan of engaging in “a hostile attack against the U.S. Constitution by targeting the Second Amendment,” on a recent episode of his show. The petition demands that “Mr. Morgan be deported immediately for his effort to undermine the Bill of Rights and for exploiting his position as a national network television host to stage attacks against the rights of American citizens.” This petition of course demonstrates the widely held belief that the Second Amendment is, like, a billion times more important than the First Amendment and the legally sound principle that the United States Constitution applies to non-citizens (it is the best Constitution after all – that’s why foreigners want to destroy its awesomeness).

And while this might sound like some conservative internet bullshit and an abuse of the White House’s public petitioning system, I think a lot of liberals could get behind this! Morgan is known for his obnoxious, smug style of interviewing and low rating ratings. Indeed, watching his show is one of those myriad tortures associated with a delay at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.

So I deport away! Thanks to global warming, putting the banished on an ice float and sending them to their doom is more economic than EVER.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

December 26, 2012 at 10:13 am

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