E PLURIBUS MORON

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Rice with Cooked Goose

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Let’s start by saying that this blog hasn’t featured many stories about the terrorist attack in Benghazi because it doesn’t lend itself easily to sex puns despite the fact that it was tragic, it’s not a real controversy. The Right continues to suggest that President Obama callously ignored the deaths of four Americans for political reasons – chiefled to support his re-election bid by sweeping bad news under the rug. That’s a funny thing for the Right is accuse the President of as they also callously use the death of four Americans for political reasons, dontcha think? Sadly, this whole story was just gross, but now it’s gotten even ickier (and for Obama far stickier), as UN Ambassador Susan Rice has taken the place of President Obama as the Right’s target du jour.

It all started when Rice appeared on several Sunday morning talk shows shortly after the terrorist attack claiming, as the administration believed at the time, that the deaths in Benghazi were part of violence associated with a Youtube video insulting the Prophet Muhammed. When that turned out not to be correct, the Right, who defended George Bush’s massive WMD intelligence failure, pilloried Rice for supporting this much smaller (though still terrible) intelligence failure.

Of course, now there is blood in the water and you know what that means: John McCain needs to hold a press conference. Seriously, is there an international incident which he won’t throw himself into the middle of? Justin Bieber recently wore overalls to meeting with the Canadian Prime Minister – could McCain appear on CNN to discuss that? But I digress: McCain and his canasta partner Sen. Lindsey Lohan Graham and they’re plucky young intern Sen. Kelly Ayotte demanded answers from Rice on her Libya appearances and met with her yesterday.

It did not go well.

Apparently, the meeting left the three Republican senators with “many more questions that have to be answered.” This my friends, is bullshit: McCain could have asked Susan Rice “what does 2+2 equal?” and, uponing hearing “4” would rush in front of Fox News’ camera to declare a scandal, a conspiracy and a suspicious link between “2+2=4” and the four dead Americans in Libya. In short, no answer would have satisfied the Republicans because they weren’t looking to answer any questions: they were looking to make Susan Rice and Obama look bad. And ya know what the worst part is? They did!

Ya see, Obama has boxed himself in on the issue of Susan Rice. At his first press conference after his re-election, Obama defended Rice, who people suspect will be nominated to replace Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State, saying that critics of Rice’s statements on Libya ought to “go after me“, their real target instead. Well now because of that statement and Republicans raking Rice over the fire, Obama may be fucked. He’ll either nominate Rice and face a bruising, nasty and potentially unsuccessful confimation process, or he nominates someone else and looks like he either lost to the Republicans or is hiding something. Basically he can’t win and Rice’s goose appears to be cooked.

Of course, thank god the only people who care about this situation are nerds like me (and you) and the ancient racists who make up Fox News’ key demographics. The pathetic thing in all this is that no one here seems to really care about those who died in the embassy attack, it’s just cheap politics.

We’re not even addressing the real question here, which is clearly the mysterious likeness between American Ambassador Susan Rice and British singer Sade. Have they ever been seen in a room together? What does Sade (gosh that’s an awfully Muslim sounding name) know about Libya? Is she a Soldier of Love – Love for Allah??? These and more ridiculous questions will be covered by Fox News until we fall of the Fiscal Cliff. Or maybe a good War on Christmas story comes out.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 28, 2012 at 12:02 pm

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