E PLURIBUS MORON

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Saudi Arabia? That’s Hot.

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Quick, make sure your iPhone hasn’t magically turned back into a Motorola Razr, because Paris Hilton is back in the news. No, she’s not dead (I mean, I don’t think she is. Might be hard to tell with that one), but she might soon be as her store “Paris Hilton: Handbags and Accessories” just opened up in a mall in the holy Muslim city of Mecca. While the mall itself isn’t holy (Mohammed hated the H&M there), some say “the Holy City might not be the most fitting locale for hotel heiress, socialite and home-pornography (star’s)…newest storefront.”

So I don’t want to make too many Muslim jokes here, but suffice it to say that I’m not sure Paris Hilton is compatible with the region. I mean, these people have been through the Crusades, European occupation and post-Cold War American military conflicts: do they really need our washed up, herpes-ridden reality celebrities to sell them tacky handbags? Don’t we have deserts in our own country where we can dump our excess former-reality stars?

Still, let’s hope that the authorities in Mecca aren’t too harsh on the heiress: it’s going to be tough for her to give squeezers to Pam Anderson’s ex-husbands when they cut off her hands for insulting Islam and she doesn’t seem to be doing much else nowadays.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 19, 2012 at 5:32 pm

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