E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Gracias, Ladies

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Let me start by congratulating you, the uteruses of America. Tonight, you really dodged a bullet (you know some Republican out there was pushing for mandatory vaginal concealed carry requirement). Kudos to you (and to Nate Silver of course)!

For the rest of America’s organs, bones and plasma it was also a good night as well as Barack Obama was re-elected President of the United States after a very long and very stupid election process. Remember Herman Cain? Santorum’s sweater vests? The lessons in imagined rape science? “You didn’t build it?” Big Bird? Well like the scene on the airplane at the end of Argo we can now finally say it’s over. Our nation has been released from the quadrennial hostage crisis know as a Presidential Election.

Sure Obama got re-elected, the House stayed Republican and the Senate stayed Democrat, but yesterday was nothing but a rout for Republicans and a huge victory for Democrats. The message that the Republicans should take from all this is that while the balance of power has not shifted greatly, their party had its asses handed to them because they refused to acknowledge demographic and economic reality in favor of Ayn Rand’s Make-Believe Social Conservativism Funtown Experience. By eschewing Binders full of Women and focusing on reaching out to all Americans, rather than just older whites like some Grand Old Parties, Obama got himself re-elected by a strong (electoral college) margin. He pushed past an the Republicans, who had spent four years trying to destroy his agenda and (more darkly) his character, by relying on the notion that most Americans believe in the importance of good governance and the idea that when you succeed, I succeed too.

As for Mitt Romney, it’s amazing to think that one massive irony helped sew the seeds of his defeat. Let’s start by acknowledging that Romney wanted to be President because he felt it was a neccessary part of his resume, not because he supported any grand ideology or governance philosophy. And because Romney felt that he ought to be Commander-in-Chief and that the vision stuff comes later, he told unctious half-truths and whole lies to win over the necessary support of the hateful, lunatic fringe that now controls his party. Later on during the debate season, his pivot to the center was so bald-faced and dishonest it made you wonder how someone could function in modern society with so little shame (I mean, outside a reality TV show). But it seems truly ironic to me that Romney’s opposition to the auto-bailout, the one thing he did NOT waffle on, cost him Ohio and thus any shot at being elected. Indeed, when he gave his concession speech (which I actually thought was very gracious), Romney had the look of a man who had known for some time his lies and constant-repositioning had not worked. The whole world saw the cookie crumbs in his face and we were not fooled.

One final note about money – Super PACs, for however evil they are and for how much they have devastated lower rung elections, have fallen short in defeating President Obama. Not only are they morally dubious, but they’re appear to be a waste of money. You can spend all the cash you want on lipstick, but everyone still knows it’s a pig. Sorry Sheldon Adelson.

We’ll have lots more coverage of yesterday’s election in the days to come. Stay tuned for my thoughts on the Congressional elections and ballot initiatives. It won’t feature any legitimate rape jokes or nuthin’!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 7, 2012 at 11:44 am

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