E PLURIBUS MORON

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Virginia: A Swing State Survey

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If we can attribute Old Dominion’s new swing state status to one person, it’s the mermaid on the Starbucks cup. Yes, the relentless expansion of Washington D.C.’s suburban tentacles in Northern Virginia has dramatically changed this state’s politics in less than a decade. Where once Dixiecrats ruled, now the Godless Communism of “Farmers’ Markets” and “Mommy and Me Yoga” reigns, and a man can hardly spit tobacco in the street without some ~shudder~ International Studies major from Tufts lecturing him littering.

Of course, there still is plenty conservative wacky left in this state shaped by tobacky. As recently as 2006 a Virginia congressman bluntly objected to a Muslim being elected to the U.S. Congress, and a jackass named George Allen, who was tossed out of office in 2006 for being an ignoramus, is now in a very tight race for Senate. Indeed, all you have to do is drive half an hour outside the blue ares of NOVA, Charlottesville, Norfolk and Richmond and you’ll find people who don’t so much refer to the Civil War as “The War of Northern Aggression” but rather as “Round One”. These people are not ~ahem~ Obama voters.

As you can see then, Virginia is a state divided; Real Clear Politics confirms this super close split, as neither campaign has enjoyed an average lead of greater the a single percentage point in nearly a month. The state has done very well over the past four years, which is a boost for Obama, but the devastating rains from Hurricane Sandy may complicate Obama’s GOTV efforts and, of course, the fact that half the state is controlled by gun-toting rednecks make this a true toss up. Honestly, the only thing I am sure of in this state is that whoever wins it, it will be by fewer than 25,000 votes.

Charge up your tasers and put on your bath-salt-zombie repellant spray, ’cause next we’re going to Florida!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 31, 2012 at 10:16 am

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