E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Florida: A Swing State Survey

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Do we even need to discuss why Florida is a swing state? Weren’t we all so traumitized by the 2000 election that not only do we just accept the common wisdom that it is one of the ultimate swing states, but that we might be better off just dynamiting our physical connection to the state and letting it drift off into the Altantic Ocean?

Now let’s be clear, Florida isn’t so much a swing state because of it straddles disparate political regions (like say Virginia or Nevada), but rather the state swings because the people there are so insane that no politician can count on the support of its mentally ill residents. How can I even begin to describe the electorate? South Florida is a mix of elderly Jews, tan former New York Jews, Cubans, public nudists and of course, mutant pythons. The center of the state boasts both pivotal centrist I-4 corridor, with its soccer moms, Nascar dads and Theme Park voters; the state’s center also has the Villages, a terrifying aglomeration of angry old Republicans whose dying wish is to pinch Paul Ryan’s cheeks. Finally, up north there are evangelical christians, swamp people and of course ~shudder~ anyone crazy enough to live in the Florida Panhandle a.k.a. Lower Alabama. Basically, it was bedlam before the housing crisis, and now I guess the inmates are running the asylum.

Assuming we don’t come to our national senses within the next few days and disenfranchise the whole of Florida, Real Clear Politics has this state is trending towards Romney. The former Massachusetts Governor has led in the Sunshine State for almost a month now – and while that lead is shrinking it looks like Romney may win this state by a percentage or so. Obama’s last major hope here seems to be the boost that the state’s large non-cuban Hispanic population could give him, but we’ll have to wait and see about that.

Strap on your athletic sandals and spark that orange kush, because we’re skiing on over to Colorado!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 31, 2012 at 4:08 pm

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