E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Surprise! Donald’s an Asshole

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With October coming to an end, everyone is still wondering what this election cycle’s October Surprise will be. Frankly, the biggest surprise seems to be that a chunk of independent voters and even lady voters have any interest in voting for Mitt Romney. But I digress. Let’s focus on the important story here: Tomorrow, Donald Trump has promissed to make an announcement that will totally transform the 2012 Presidential race.

Any guess as to what it will be? Well we talked to our bookie Jimmy Ten Fingers (Ten on one, none on the other) and he gave us his odds for Trump’s big announcement:

2 to 1 – Trump announces this racist story about Barack the College Coke dealer.

7 to 1 – Trump announces his intention to change his name to Donna, move to Virginia Beach and become a coveted female swing voter.

10 to 1 – Trump announces that for Halloween he plans to go as Darth Maul.

14 to 1 – Trump announces he found his hairpiece on a monkey in Obama’s African homeland.

55 to 1 – Trump announces his intention to make Rafalca Romney his fourth and second least-horse resembling wife.

350 to 1 –Trump announces his endorsement for Obama and then is all like “SIKE! Like I’d ever endorse that LOSER” and then the guys from Fox and Friends give him a high five and they laugh and laugh.

28,018,283,945 to 1 – Trump announces apology for being a tacky, ignorant loudmouth and donates all his gold plated toilets to charity.

So stay tuned for the announcement as I go place my bet at one of Trump’s horrifyingly depressing casinos.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

One Response

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  1. […] As we mentioned yesterday, American Hero Donald Trump planned to make an announcement today that would upend the Presidential Race and boy did he do…something. Trump released a video/deranged ransom note offering “to donate $5 million to charity if President Obama releases his college records and applications, along with his passport records and applications. Deadline: Oct. 31 at 5 p.m.” […]


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