E PLURIBUS MORON

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Glenn Beck’s Patriotic Pants

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Have you ever dreamed of someday dressing as well as Glenn Beck? I know I have. I also know that that dream always ends with me violently thrashing bed and a priest sprinkling me with Holy Water.

I’m happy to announce that my dream has come true, as Glenn Beck has FINALLY released 1791, his signature brand of jeans. Beck got the idea after a scandalous Levi’s ad during the Super Bowl touted youth (read: Communist) rebellion, leading him to make these Tea Party jeans. So, pair it with one of Rick Santorum’s famous sweater vests and you’ve got the perfect outfit for hitting the town, hangin’ with the kids or suggesting that the President is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood.

The jeans (seen above), come in “Classic Cut” (great for those pining for the 1950’s) and “Straight Cut” (which, as they are a little tighter and flaunt their “straightness”, are surely meant for ex-gays) and are sure to be a hit with both the Fashion Gliteratti crowd and the Basement bomb-shelter types.

So I say good for Glenn Beck for jumping on the celebrity clothing line bandwagon! Perhaps he’ll some day release a signature cologne? It will no doubt be called “Original Intent” and smell like sandalwood, white rage and Bengay.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

One Response

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  1. […] a better deal. Sure, Al Jazeera is a highly respected news organization, but unlike Glenn Beck it doesn’t have its own brand of jeans. But I guess given the choice between Al Jazeera’s grizzly Syrian Civil War footage and […]


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