E PLURIBUS MORON

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The Coveted Loah Endorsement

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Good news Democrats! Lindsay Lohan just endorsed Mitt Romney for President. “I just think employment is really important right now,” the chronically unemployable Lohan told E! News yesterday. “So, as of now, (I’m voting for) Mitt Romney. As of now.”

The Red Bull chugging, chain-smoking actress, known for her issues with drugs and alcohol, has a lot in common with the Mormon Republican Nominee. One time, Mitt drank too much caffeine free Diet Dr. Pepper and accidentally said the word “testicles” in front of a white woman. It was crazy! Lohan will surely be his Secretary of Partying Down.

When reached for comment, actress Amanda Bynes, who has in many ways replaced Lohan as the teen star trainwreck du jour, threatened reporters with a Coffee Bean cup full of urine and declared her allegiance to Presidenital Candidate Gary Johnson.

Or maybe not. It’s Friday afternoon. Go ask Bynes yourself and tell me that’s not how that whole thing would have gone down…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

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