E PLURIBUS MORON

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Chris Brown Sticks His Neck Out There

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Tattoos are a frequent topic on this blog – as you know, there is no better way to permanently proclaim your idiocy to the world than with some ink. This brings us to today’s tattoo story: as you can see below, Hip-hop artists Chris Brown has had the good taste and common sense to get a neck tattoo that resembles a horrific police photo of his former girlfriend Rihanna after he savagely beat her.

This tattoo doesn’t so much confuse me because of it’s subject matter – everyone knows that Chris Brown is an unrepentant violent scumbag – but rather I’m confused about who let this huge star get that tattoo. The way I see it, there are three distinct answers to that question:

1. Chris Brown has the worst management in Hollywood – Chris Brown must be handled by the same people who so expertly managed the careers of Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan. Indeed, it’s deeply impresive to watch his team make decisions so bad that they defy not just logic but also the laws of thermodynamics (Brown was clearly inked with a tattoo gun powered by a perpetual motion machine).

2. Chris Brown has no management at all – Chris Brown may just be a lonely latchkey-kid determined to destroy himself. Watch out for Brown’s next tattoo, which will be across his face and say “I RAPE PUPPIEZ #LOLZ”

3. Chris Brown is an incredible feminist performance artist – Someone get Christina Brown a MacArthur Genius Award! Her daring portrayal of a deranged  Eurohop artist on a downward spiral through the human condition is transcendant.

So what do you think is the answer (I mean, besides banning neck tattoos)?

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

September 12, 2012 at 10:09 am

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