E PLURIBUS MORON

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Now Serving Convention Surprise!

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Well things are finally getting up and running in Tampa as the Republican Party meets to name Mitt Romney their “Sexiest Man Alive”. People are mostly focused on the crazy weather in the Gulf, but there are some other fun surprises in store. In fact, the Wall Street Journal is reporting that “buried deep in the convention schedule released Monday is a vague reference to a mystery speaker scheduled for the event’s final evening.”

So who might this “mystery speaker” be? Well I placed a call to my bookie and, after being savagely beaten for not paying my gambling debts, he offered me these odds on who this mysterious convention guest will be:

3 to 2 odds – The reanimated zombie corpse of Ronald Reagan

5 to 2 odds – The animated zombie corpse that Bob Dole

8 to 1 odds – Besse Cooper, who upon turning 116 today became both the world’s oldest person and the target political demographic for the GOP

16 to 1 odds – “The Rent Is Too Damn High” party guy

52,000 to 3 odds – Tina, the Legitimate Rape Panda

3 to 1 odds – Ayn Randy and Trancy Reagan, Tampa’s #1 Conservative Drag Queen Duo!

18 to 1 odds – Not so much a mystery speaker as a video of Romney pulling back a shower curtain to find Newt Gingrich there, informing the Governor that it was alll just a crazy dream and the primaries never really happened

637,989,111,004 to 1 – Former President George W. Bush.

I like those Dubya odds: for just one dollar I could get paid back the GDP of Switzerland! Ooo that’s a NICE country.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 28, 2012 at 11:41 am

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