E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Chick-fil-A-holes still in the news

with one comment

This is the story that just will not fry die: today is National Chick-fil-A Appreciation day, an event created and promoted by Former Arkansas Governor/Wanna be ol’ timey radio host Mike Huckabee to support the marriage equality hating chicken restaurant. Wait it’s National Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day and I still have to come into work? This isn’t some bullshit holiday like Columbus Day or Veterans Day! This matters! I demand a day off to stuff my face with queer bashin’ fried chicken.

Indeed, reflecting on this sacred day of prayer and togetherness, I really feel like Chick-fil-A is this summer’s Ground Zero Mosque controversy. You see, in the dog days of the summer when the “War on Christmas” is still months away, Fox News and talk radio have nothing better to do than promote some triffling story that involves debasing the civil rights of some minority group. You’d think that this year the Olympics would be distraction enough, but you’d be wrong.

From a business standpoint though, taking advantage of a slow news month like this to boost sales among the ignorant is a great strategy. Perhaps next summer Mountain Dew could come out and declare that they don’t want Muslims drinking their soda! Then Sarah Palin (after accepting a hefty kickback of $20,000 of moose meat and abortion pills) can appear on Fox News and talk about “the dangers that overtly caffeinated Terrorists pose to Tea Party American Patriots and Moms”, driving every ignorant red neck (who already make up like 50% of Mountain Dew’s sales) to guzzle more of the stuff because they think it will stop Al Qaeda. Everyone wins!

Oh America, always solving its Civil Rights issues through the medium of junk food.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 2, 2012 at 8:36 am

One Response

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  1. […] you know, our nation hasn’t been this divided about the politics of fast food since the Civil War (that war was about French Fries, right?). Now however a national purveyor of […]


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