E PLURIBUS MORON

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An Impossible Intellectual

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Well it happened again: Kristen Stewart made out with a hobo. Okay maybe not. But last night the Tea Party did again score a ludicrous victory, as uber-conservative Ted Cruz defeated uber-conservative Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst for the Republican nomination for Senate from Texas.

Now, because Texas is so conservative it is a heartbeat away from naming the Chick-fil-A sandwich the state bird, Cruz will undoubtedly be elected to the Senate. In examining this future Senators record, the New York Times called Cruz “an intellectual force“. That my friends is nonsense, and not just because Texas is about the least intellectual state in the Union (I blame the heat).

Rather gentle reader, let’s acknowledge that the idea of a Tea Party “Intellectual” is in fact an oxymoron. Intellectuality is about having a great capacity for thought and knowledge. Sure, Tea Baggers and pretty good at coming up with interesting/deranged thoughts about how, ya know, Nancy Pelosi starting concentration camps for gun owners, but knowledge and facts are really anathema to what the Tea Party stand for (as is the word “anathema” come to think about it). Intellectuals can indeed fall on any side of the political spectrum, but a vital part of building and maintaining one’s intellect involves exposing oneself to all kinds of thought; the Tea Party however is a political movement based on excluding all thoughts and opinions that don’t neatly fit into Fox News’ view of the world. To them, knowledge is considered liberal poison (Sarah Palin doesn’t know why there are two Koreas and they love her for it). Therefore, Tea Partiers cannot be intellectuals.

I know telling the New York Times what makes someone an “intellectual” is kind of like telling HBO what defines “gratuitous period piece nudity”, but I can’t help but feel that they’re legitimizing a pretty ignorant group of people by associating them with intellectuals.

Ugh and all on the day that Gore Vidal died! Who will provide us with our witty, acerbic quips now?? ‘Cause I guarantee you it’s not gonna be Ted Cruz…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 1, 2012 at 11:45 am

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