E PLURIBUS MORON

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Please Sheriff Joe, Arrest that O!

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There is just some ludicrously breaking news from Arizona today, as the vaunted racist godlike national embarrassment of a police official Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Phoenix, AZ has announced that his investigators have determined that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a fake. Oh my god do you think the President faked that whole kiss cam moment the other day too??

Arpaio’s investigators said the break in the case came when they interviewed the “95-year-old former state worker who signed the president’s birth certificate” who confirmed that the birth certificate was fake. As you know, 95-year-old year olds in Arizona are neither notoriously racist towards the President and have razor sharp memories of bureaucratic papers they filled out 51 years ago. In another breaking legal development, Arpaio told reporters that the nonagenarian told his investigators that “those damn Pwer-to Rih-kan nurses are stealing his hearing aid batteries.” I’m not sure which crime is more serious but thank god we’ve got Sheriff Joe between us and the criminals.

Of course, those Kenyan apologists out there are arguing that this Arpaio’s announcement is meant to be a distraction, as he is both under heavy criticism for focusing on arresting undocumented workers while “hundreds of sex-crime cases” were inadequately investigated by his office and because the Justice Department is suing him for a “pattern of unlawful discrimination” in his department. Whatever. Those allegations are spurious because they don’t have an unnamed person born during the Wilson administration to back them up.

Anyway, I am very much looking forward to Sheriff Joe’s attempt to arrest Barack Obama for violating Article 2 of the Constitution. Maybe he can bring Steven Seagal along this time as well!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 18, 2012 at 8:58 am

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