Obama Murders Old Lady
Breaking news that will surely affect our nation’s legion of sassy, menthol smoking diner waitresses: shortly after getting the thrill of a lifetime when Barack Obama stopped by her restaurant for breakfast today, Josephine “Ann” Harris died of a heartattack. The Drudge Report is obviously all over this story like maple syrup on flapjacks, as no sitting President has murdered an old lady since Teddy Roosevelt shot and had mounted an octogenarian named Muddy Mae Suggins.
No doubt offing old ladies who serve too much bacon is a new, more aggressive phase of Michelle Obama’s war on fattening food.
Indeed, I bet Romney’s people are going nuts now! As we speak I am sure some spokesperson is writing a scathing criticism of Obama’s actions here, noting that “no one, and I mean NO ONE has ever died from an excitement-induced heart attack after meeting Governor Romney.”
PS-Actually no, this piece sounded kind of callous. I feel bad for the passing of Ms. Harris – her restaurant sounded delicious. At least she went out happy, right?