E PLURIBUS MORON

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Four Angry Men

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As most liberals will attest, the last week in June is a tough time of the year. This is the time of the year when the supremely conservative Supreme Court issues its often appalling rulings, and yet the heirloom tomatoes at your local farmer’s market/CSA aren’t quite perfect yet! Oh what is a foodie communist to do?

Indeed, today in lieu of some gorgeous cherokee purples or sungolds, we got two major decisions from the Supreme Court. They seem to indicate that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, meaning Scalia, Alito, Roberts and Thomas, pretty much aren’t interested in human rights or the Constitution.

I mean I guess it’s not all bad news. First, SCOTUS held it is “unconstitutional to sentence juveniles to life in prison without parole for  murder.” Which is great because 15 year olds, who used to just spend all day masturbating, now spend their days plotting revenge for nasty Facebook posts. And while it’s good to know our society isn’t quite barbaric enough to force people to spend the rest of their lives in prison for something they did as teenagers, it’s horrifying to think that this case was a 5-to-4 split.

The less pleasant ruling comes from the Arizona Immigration law. The court, while striking down most of the law’s provisions, upheld the part of the law requiring police officers stopping someone to make efforts to verify the person’s immigration status. So even though the Consitution explicitly lays out immigration is a federal issue and not state issue, the people who claim to be the “Constitutionalists” on the court seem to have ignored that here. This law should have been thrown out in its entirety. No joke here guys, the law just sucks.

Anyway, stay tuned later this week for the Court’s decision on the Obama Healthcare law. That’ll be a nightmare. Indeed, anyone under 26 on their parents’ health insurance plan or with pre-existing conditions or, ya know, if you have a vagina should probably go ahead and see their doctors ASAP: your health insurance is about to disappear.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

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