E PLURIBUS MORON

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The VP Selection Process gets Caliente

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In an unusually specific move, Mitt Romney directly refuted rumors that Marco Rubio, the Cuban American Republican Senator from Florida and GOP wunderkind ninoexcelente!, was not being looked at as a potential VP choice. “Marco Rubio is being thoroughly vetted as part of our process,” Romney said during a campaign stop yesterday.

Indeed, the whole Romney family seems to be getting into the vetting process, as EPM has learned that Ann Romney is privately vetting this Hispanic leader the same way she vets all Hispanic people close to her  – chiefly by making sure that Rubio doesn’t steal any of the silverware and that he does a good job with the bathroom fixtures.

Romney had to speak up against the rumors because so many politicos believe that selecting Rubio would give Romney a major boost with Latinos, a key voting demographic. Of course, Romney could try appealing to hispanic voters by, oh say, not threatening to “self-deport” their grandmothers and denouncing the proto-facsist anti-immigrant laws currently flying through state legislatures. But I’m sure slapping a hispanic on the ticket will do the trick, too. Hey, if they’re going to be that lazy, how about drafting Latin Pop Star Paulina Rubio on the ticket instead of her (maybe) cousin Marco? Que bueno!

PS-Look at that picture. Wouldn’t it be weird if the first Hispanic VP nominee was several shades paler than his suspiciously tan running mate? That will make it awfully hard for the Phoenix Police Department to figure out which to detain when they pull over their campaign bus…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 20, 2012 at 9:11 am

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