E PLURIBUS MORON

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Trend Watch: Summer of the Bath Salts

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Way back in the Summer of 2001, when saying something was “so September 10th” would have only made sense to a Chilean, our nation experienced a beautiful occurence known as the “Summer of the Shark“. Basically to fill time between tylenol and bladder-liner ads, CNN and the other 24/7 cable news networks ran sensationalized stories about grizzly shark attacks – even though 2001 saw no actual increase in shark-on-person violence. Then 9/11 happened and, once sharks had been ruled out as the perpetrators of the terrorist attacks, we all kind of forgot about “The Summer of the Shark”.

11 years later, we have finally made a glorious return to this sensationalist people eating: ladies and gentlemen we are now entering the Summer of the Bath Salts! From the Causeway Cannibal on Memorial Day to daily articles about the danger of these chemicals, Bath Salt abuse and its violent repuercussions have become super chic (I’d give it two weeks before the paparazzi take a video of Kate Moss doing lines of Bath Salts and trying to eat Andre Leon Talley).

What’s old is new again, right? It’s comforting to know that every ten years or so Americans like a good story about something eating someone. Does this portend a comeback for other things that were popular in the Summer of 2001? We can only know for sure if stores start selling baggy cargo pants made of human flesh. Gotta do something with all the fat people Bath Salts freaks/sharks are attacking, right?

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 18, 2012 at 10:06 am

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