E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

The Walker Economic Boom is here!

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CNBC, the TV network that you watch when you’re waiting in line at the bank, is home to a wonderful, Nostradamus-like mystic named Larry Kudlow. Kudlow, who in December of 2007 famously wrote “The Bush boom is alive and well…it’s finishing up its sixth splendid year with many more years to come”, some how has a career where he tells people how the stock market works. Well, good ol’ Larry is CONVINCED that The Koch Brothers’ Scott Walker’s victory Tuesday in Wisconsin is what boosted the stock market on Wednesday, giving the Dow Jones its best day of 2012.

In his editorial today, Kudlow wrote “Stocks loved Governor Scott Walker’s spanking of public-sector unions and  Democrats in Wisconsin.  The Dow jumped about 165 points  right at the opening on Wednesday, and was up over 200 points later in the day. There really was no other news (to motivate such behavior).” Ummm I beg to differ Mr. Kudlow: Miley Cyrus announced she was engaged that day. And if news that you like, as an enemy of public school teachers, is indisputably behind the market’s rally yesterday, then surely the news that I like, as a fan of the song The Climb, must also indisputably be behind the market’s rally as well.

So now we must destroy all unions and eschew all attempts at bipartisan governance because it’s good for the markets. And don’t try to argue with Larry on this because the one can doubt the logic behind his claims is flawless. Think about it this way: people like waffles right? And people it waffles at breakfast, just as the sun climbs higher and the day gets warmer. Therefore, according to Kudlow’s logic, making waffles is the only thing keeping our land from becoming a frozen waste.

Waffles and Walker! They’re really the only thing holding our existence together ya know.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm

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