Keep your government hands off my medicare!

G.I. Joe is M.I.A

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For years, G.I. Joe’s traditional enemy was Cobra (well that and the venereal diseases they’d pick up in country), but now it seems that economics and, lets face it, good taste are keeping Paramount Studios from releasing G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation this summer.

The film has been pushed back by nine months, and while Paramount claims its to add 3-D, pretty much everyone agrees the film is being moved because they know it’s box office numbers will be weak. After megaflops like Battleship and John Carter, audiences may not have the urge to see the horrible movies they once enjoyed. I’m gonna go ahead and blame Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Tacos for imoblizing the American public, making it impossible for them to see a blockbuster.

Of course, the economics of making bad movies have just become unsustainable. If you take a turd, give Megan Fox a machine gun and throw $200 million of special effects at it, it’s still a turd. Indeed, Time was when you knew you were about to release a really awful picture, say the Ronald Reagan and a chimp masterpiece Bedtime for Bonzo, you tried to keep the budget low. Heck, the only thing they spent money on in that movie with black hookers for the Gipper and replacement monkeys (even then the chimp meat was just worked into the Kraft Services budget!).

Plus, according to Deadline Hollywood, the movie’s producers basically forgot to mention that Channing Tatum was in the movie. Um, hello? That guys pecs are the only thing keep most studios in the black.

Soooooo yeah. I’m gonna go ahead and blame this one on the obvious culprit here: Senate Democrats and their push for defense cuts. Curse you, Al Franken!


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

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