E PLURIBUS MORON

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Facebook’s Big I.P.U (ahahahaha)

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Oh man, if you didn’t feel unaccomplished this morning you will now: thanks to Facebook’s record +$100,000,000,000 IPO Mark Zuckerberg is now worth something like $18 billion. Let’s see he is 28 years old so that means all I’ll have to do is earn $6 billion a year for the next three years and I’ll be as rich as he is at his age! I can do that. Has anyone invented diet booze yet?

Of course, Mark Zuckerberg isn’t the only person getting insane rich today: some estimates are that up to 1,000 Facebook employees/stock-owners will become millionaires from this IPO. Indeed, it seems as though U2 front man Bono, whose private equity firm Achtung Baby Mysterious Ways Elevation Capital invested in Facebook in 2009, stands to make almost $1 billion from this IPO, bringing him one step closer to just buying Africa. I gotta say Phil Collins must be really pissed right now that that he bought all those shares in Zoosk instead of Facebook…

Oh and that loud tire-inflating noise you heard? That’s another tech bubble that’s about to burst.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 18, 2012 at 1:55 pm

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