E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

We had some elections last night?

with one comment

According to my sources, last night several states held some sort of selection process for a person or persons or popular initiative by voting. I think it’s called an…election? I thought we had all agreed that now that Romney has secured the nomination that we were over that shit but I guess I was wrong.

Anyway, here are some big things that happened in yesterday’s elections:

6-term senator Dick Lugar (né Penis 9mm) was defeated in the Indiana Republican Primary by State Treasurer Richard Mourdock. Republican voters, who now just behave like obnoxious 15-year-old step daughters, hated that Sen. Lugar was well liked by both parties and had tons of experience and accomplishments. The nerve of this guy! I say good riddance to extremely capable rubbish.

In West Virginia, Barack Obama eked out a victory in the Democratic primary over Keith Judd, who is currently serving 210 months in state prison. Judd, who received nearly 40% of the vote, is now entitled to a delegate at this year’s convention in Charlotte, where he will no doubt make demands the Democratic Party’s platform include a provision mandating that toilet wine and toothbrush shanks be made deductible business expenses.

Finally, North Carolina passed a very unconstitutional constitutional amendment banning gay marriage because apparently the second a man adopts a French Bulldog or a woman gets a Home Depot card, they wave their 14th amendment rights. Not only am I opposed to this on human rights grounds, but also as an environmentalist. What a giant waste of paper to print out copies of laws that will just be repealed in 10-20 years anyway. Think green ya idiots.

Oh Democracy, you stupid bitch…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 9, 2012 at 10:30 am

One Response

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  1. […] the only people who this might hurt Obama politically with is blue collar Democrats. However, as we saw yesterday in West Virginia where 40% of Democrats voted for a incarcerated felon over Obama, those people don’t really […]


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