E PLURIBUS MORON

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Children are meaner, more letigious

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A year after Ronald Reagan personally killed Osama Bin Laden (What? Is that not true? I get all my news from Oliver North’s blog…), the greatest threat facing our nation is now officially Cyberbullying.

However, because cyberbullying is a relatively new issue, there aren’t great laws in place to deal with it. Take for instance the case of Georgia middle-schooler Alex Boston, who was cyberbullied by her classmates when they created a fake Facebook profile about Boston, which said she “smoked marijuana and spoke a made-up language called ‘Retardish’.” Retardish??? Move over Bill Maher these kids deserve the Mark Twain Comedy Prize.

So what should Boston’s sufferance be by Christian example? Well the 14-year-old is now suing her bullies for libel.

Damn girl! You litigious! I think this is a wonderful idea, in part because it makes the parents of the bullies financially responsible for their kids actions, as the parents will have to pay for legal representation since few lawyers are willing to accept a 14-year-old’s Farmville points in exchange for legal council (although with the way law school is going…).

Moreover, I’m really excited to see the first courtroom drama TV show on the subject: Law and Order: Cyberbullying Unit. Imagine, oh, Matthew Morrison post-Glee as a tough-as-nails prosecutor telling a wise asian judge “Your honor: when the defendants called Kaylen Meyers a ‘skanky whore clown’ who ‘everyone knows got her first period in the 8th grade gym class showers’ it was not protected speech!”

This is so great. But what will be the next exciting development in the field of teen law? Actually if people start to sue for sexual harrassment for every awkward 9th grade boner the legal profession might finally get back on it’s feet again…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 2, 2012 at 8:53 am

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