Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Panda Sexpress

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As a Twitter user, I’ve come to learn that not all things need to be tweeted. Like Panda fucking. Panda fucking is not an appropriate Twitter topic.

I say this because this weekend the National Zoo live-tweeted the artificial insemination of their panda Mei Xiang. Okay so maybe it wasn’t fucking but still, the hashtag #pandauterus did not catch fire the way the Zoo had perhaps envisioned.

And why artificially inseminate a panda anyway? I thought bamboo was an aphrodisiac. Well, zoo officials said that they had earlier “determined Mei Xiang and male giant panda, Tian Tian, were not breeding naturally” and thus a human intervention was needed. Now I know what you’re thinking: Tian Tian is a homo. But couldn’t it also be possible that he doesn’t want his sex life live-tweeted by a bunch of horny zoologist perverts? Even pandas can get performance anxiety.

So calm down @NationalZooPandaFucking.


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

May 1, 2012 at 8:55 am

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