E PLURIBUS MORON

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Instagram, 1970s nostalgia purchased for $1 billion

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Instagram, the photo app you wish your “artsier” co-workers and acquaintances from college would stop using so much, has just been purchased by Facebook for $1 billion. That’s the largest ever purchase by the social networking site and that includes Mark Zuckerberg’s vast collection of antique Japanese sex robots (gotta do something with that nerd money, right?).

Now, I happen to think Instagram is neat in that it gives people a way to share their artistic, yet amateur photography with their friends. However, I also think that fake 1970s nostalgia is kind of retarded because photos in the 1970s looked like shit. Frankly, everything done in the 1970s kind of looked like shit. Why do you think Ewoks look better than Banthas? True story.

Anyway, now that we know that there is so much money in sharing poor quality photos online (celebrity nude pics suggested it, Facebook buying Instagram proves it), I am going to put out a call for my new app, which takes 1870s style photos. People will need to sit still for 2 minutes as the dynamite and silver nitrate capture their image, adding your choice of Civil War gangrene, prolapsed uterus or wolf scars to the image. Male hipsters will love it as they can keep their facial hair as is.

So while this app probably already exists, mine will also come with Yelp reviews of the local places to buy dried Buffalo meat and delicious corn jelly! I’d like my billion dollars now please.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

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