E PLURIBUS MORON

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GTL in need of TLC

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Like an Italian tank or an Italian government, the cast of the Jersey Shore is falling apart. It brings me no joy to tell you this, as the guidos and guidettes of that show have taught our nation so many wonderful lessons over the years, chiefly why it’s important to get regular STD and melanoma tests.

Indeed, everywhere you look a member of America’s most important television show is having some serious life stuff going on. First it was Snooki, whose fool proof method of using vodka and 5 Hour Energy as a profilactic has apparently failed, forcing her to announce recently that she was both preggers and engaged. Then last week TMZ reported that The Situation was in rehab for some kind of chemical dependency issue. Now photos have surfaced of Deena, the only true resident drunk left, with a really cheap looking nose job.

What is happening to this cast? By the end of next season will Vinny be reduced to a fake tan torso? Will J-Woww’s entirely plastic body melt in the summer sun? Will Sammi and Ronny just turn into these awful emotionally crippled characters who just scream at each other all the time? Oh wait….

Anyway, all does NOT bode well for the Jersey Shore home…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 26, 2012 at 9:15 am

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