E PLURIBUS MORON

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Justice is blind, wets the bed

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In what was surely someone ironically re-enacting the script of a 1990’s Olsen Twins movie, a 9-year-old boy in Massachusetts got quite a surprise in the mail recently when he received a summons for jury duty. Apparently, someone in the local government had accidently put down his birth year as 1982, rather than 2002, on the town juror list and that’s why he received the letter.

But let’s be blunt here: the mistake wasn’t summoning ONE 9-year-old for jury duty, it is that we as a nation don’t summon ALL 9-year-olds for jury duty. As someone who just recently had to go to jury duty, I can tell you first hand that most people in a jury pool are as smart as 3rd graders (there were an awful lot of Dan Brown books in that room…). There would literally be no change to our criminal justice system if we just started using children in our juries. They also have an excellent sense of justice/superhero justice and are terrible liars, thus making them more readily available to serve.

Yes, I say the more elementary school students we have hanging out in the hobo urine-soaked halls of our courts determining death penalty cases the better: it means I will have to do it less frequently. When Newt Gingrich wins the Republican nomination I am sure children as jurors will end up as one of his campaign planks…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 20, 2012 at 9:27 am

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