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Stromboli Matrimony

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Someone order up a three tiered cake stuffed with rich meaty tomato sauce because rumors has it Snooki isn’t just pregnant, she’s getting married too!

Details (and, well, confirmation) are sketchy at the moment, but I’m guessing that as Kim Kardashian’s wedding was entirely paid for by E! Network, Snooki’s reality-TV wedding is likely going to be paid for by her corporate patrons, baneky Valtrex and LaDijonaise’s Fake Eye Lash Remover. And as is traditional for an Italian Catholic wedding, the bride will be wearing a pleather leopard print tube top and the bridegroom will be seething with roid rage.

I’ll tell you who looks the worst in this whole story: Rick Santorum. If he’s so for traditional marriage and heterosexuals doing it only to procreate, then why hasn’t he condemned Snooki’s big news? The Snooki child will ne’er taste breast milk, but rather jager bombs – I’m not sure where that appears in the bible. So please Rick, defender of marriage and family, condemn this wedding (or better yet attend)!


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

March 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm

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