E PLURIBUS MORON

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Mitt Romney: King of Michigan, the Iguanas

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All eyes turned to Michigan last night, and this time it had nothing to do the state’s many large and historic tire fires. Rather, the poisonous black smoke this time was being blown up the voters ass in the state’s Republican primary electorate, who voted last night. And whaddyaknow, Romney won! Sort of.

Actually his win last night, where he beat his main rival Rick Santorum by about 4%, was kind of anemic. If anything it’s like being an only child and running against the family iguana in a contest to be elected “your crazy mom’s favorite living thing” (Gingrich and Paul are the grouchy older pet cat and weird pet bird in this metaphor). Sure it’d be really awful to lose, but it’s also pretty bad that there was a competition in the first place.

To his credit, Romney seems to be at least somewhat aware of his many gaffes and other problems. Mitt told reporters yesterday that he has made “some mistakes and (is) trying to do better”. He then went on to say “Thankfully one of my inordinately wealthy friends has a cheap little $8 million gold-plated anti-mistake ray gun that’s just a bit of terrific. I’m hoping it’ll turn my campaign around faster than pivot radius on the caviar-powered racing catamaran I sold to Paul Allen.”

I for one am excited to see what kind of off-putting/just plain weird gaffes Romney, King of the Iguanas, will make before next week’s mega-primary on Super Tuesday!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

February 29, 2012 at 2:57 pm

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