E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Do you want Spicy Queso with your Defibrillator?

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You guys know me: I love a good frivolous lawsuit. Christmas music in a post-office? I’ll see you bitches at the Supreme Court! And while my litigious thirst can never be slaked, I think the fellow in the following news story probably shouldn’t be allowed to sue anybody but himself.

The Heart Attack Grill, located in svelt and sexy Las Vegas, is a restaurant that prides itself on serving insanely fattening meals, some topping 8,000 calories, where “people weighing over 350 pounds eat for free.” Sounds charming, right? Well not for one patron last night, who had a heart attack while eating a Triple Bypass Burger.

This sounds like one of those things where someone would sue but absolutely shouldn’t: It’s like getting horrible food poisoning at Donnie’s Discount Shrimp Warehouse, or having sudden liver failure when drinking at a Sternotini at Hank’s Hillfolk Eatery. You just need to learn to expect this stuff and not get lawyers involved.

If anything we should be punishing the people who run this restaurant not for their violations of that man’s personal safety but rather for violating the new laws in Obamacare. Michelle Obama should beat them with her massive and powerful arms til they serve nothing but Kale and cottage cheese.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

February 15, 2012 at 12:01 pm

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