E PLURIBUS MORON

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Transformers 4: Boobs Explosion!!!!

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In case the threat of war between Iran and Israel, the tragic death of Whitney Houston or the crushing loneliness of having to celebrate Valentines Day with the mummified corpse of your mother AGAIN was weighing you down, I have some amazing news: Michael Bay has signed on to direct a fourth Transformers movie!

I couldn’t be more excited to see another installment of this retarded, bigotted and most of all nauseating ouevre. Here’s what we, and by we I mean all of civilization from here on out, can expect out of the new Transformers movie when it comes out in 2014:

-All new ethnically offensive robots (watch out, Kashmiris!)

-Michael Bay will probably find a way to just make all the female characters explode

-After running out of nice American cities to destroy, the climax battle will take place in, oh, I don’t know, Tulsa

-Hot gay robot frottage

-Because Bay has never had an original thought, watch out for this one to rip off Downton Abbey (Optimus Prime as Lord Grantham?)

-Abstinant vampire robots. That shit will still make money in 2 years, right?

I’m transforming…into excitement.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

February 14, 2012 at 4:13 pm

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