E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

The Marshmallow Military Industrial Complex

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Last night Barack Obama’s saber rattling took a dangerous new step at the White House science fair. Student Joey Hudy brough his massive marshmallow gun to the event; when showing the President the weapon, Obama told Hudy “The Secret Service is going to be mad at me about this” before firing this sugary bringer of death.

I find this event outrageous. we’re supposed to think this was cute? That kid is a little Robert Oppenheimer who doesn’t even know that he is part of the massive Marshmallow Military Industrial Complex.

Think I’m kidding about the MMIC? Well I’m not. Marshmallows played a key role in Cold War: peeps were invented in the 1960s to spy on the Chinese. Why do you think they blow up if you put them in the microwave? And Count Chocula? Well they put marshmallows in his cereal to help topple the Ceausescu regime so that the Count, a member of the Romania’s former aristocracy and an avowed anti-Communist, could seize power. To allow children to participate in this dark chapter of American history is sickeningly sweet and bad for their teeth.

Make love Rice Krispie Treats, not war.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

February 8, 2012 at 9:59 am

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