E PLURIBUS MORON

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Santorum victorious in the most meaningless way

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Guys, Mitt Romney is a really sweet guy. Sure, eating sugar is against his religion, but this sweetheart was so kind to Rick Santorum last night, letting him win the Colorado and Minnesota caucuses and the Missouri primary.

Now, as someone who has been accused of “carpet bombing” his opponents, why would Romney have let Santorum kick his ass last night? Well as it turns out delegates from Colorado and Minnesota are allowed to vote however they want at the national c0nvention, and the Missouri primary is actually closer to a straw poll to let Missouri Republicans at their state convention see who to nominate. So, because these elections were essentially non-binding, that means these electoral victories carry less weight than, say, voting for the new Doritos flavor. And I think if given the choice many Americans would prefer a bag of Southwest Chipotle Xtreem Doritos in the Oval Office than Rick Santorum.

So yes, while Santorum had a good night, all those votes sound about as important as getting a “like” on Facebook. I don’t see any of this changing the fundamental dynamic that Romney has all the money and is the only actual candidate. Next though Romney should find a primary to let Ron Paul win. Does the lollipop guild hold a non-binding caucus?

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

February 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

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