E PLURIBUS MORON

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Santorum slides into a Tight Race

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Rick Santorum is in New Hampshire, fighting to extend his miracle finish in the Iowa caucus and probably buying a bunch of discount liquor (there is nothing else to do in the part of New Hampshire that people actually live in). But as he becomes the new anti-Romney, Santorum has managed to say some genius nuggets of wisdom in just the past 24 hours!

Why just yesterday, when responding to someone who said “We don’t need a Jesus candidate; we need an economic candidate,” St.Rick told an audience “My answer to that was, we always need a Jesus candidate!” So yeah, Santorum endorsed Jesus for the GOP presidential nod. Good luck Jesus! You’re gonna need Jesus, you dirty class-warfare loving hippie. Still, he can’t do worse than Jon Huntsman…

Secondly, let’s move to another topic that has Republican candidates crying out “Dear Jesus!”, albeit in an unhappy way. Today we learned that the U.S. economy added 200,000 jobs. That’s awesome! But as I’m sure you know the President could not receive credit for it. No no. Indeed, Rick said of these good numbers “the job market is beginning to pick up a little bit (because) I think there might just be some optimism that maybe Republicans are going to take the White House.” Oh please Rick, if investors thought you were on the verge of becoming President they would invest all their money in Astroglide and KY Jelly.

Stay tuned for photos of Rick Santorum comparing jet skiing on Lake Winnipesaukee to his opposition to stem cell research.

PS-I just found out this is EPM’s 666th post! Freaky! Santorum as antichrist rumors anyone? Who wants to start them with me?

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

January 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

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