E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Runners

leave a comment »

Are you guys ready to watch Newt and Mitt slug it out over moon mines? I sure am…

9:00 pm — Say what you will about Bret Baier’s reporting skills, he is a handsome, rodent-like man. He’s like in Mitt Romney did it with a guinea pig.

9:03 pm — Three minutes before a Christmas reference? Where is the Christ in this debate??? Oh he’s in the audience trying to remind Bachmann to smile like a good stage mom.

9:10 pm — Michele Bachmann: “Action person”. I would love it if she made it into the 5th Die Hard.

9:13 pm — Oh man there’s the Christ in this debate: Perry referencing Tim Tebow. Is it too late for Mr. Tebow to surge to the front?

9:26 pm — A “DC Culture Question” section? I’m not sure most of the people on stage can grasp that oxymoron, let alone any other…

9:31 pm — Uh oh. Newt is standing up for government organizations. He’s probably about to explode. Keep your ears open for accusations about Joe Biden raising broods of murderous Hell Trolls.

9:40 pm — “Having your cake and eating it too”. Are you really reminding us about cake Neil Cavuto? CHRISTIE DIDN’T EVEN RUN! Stop rubbing it in!

9:42 pm — Perry (he’s still here?) reminds us not to believe everything you read in the Austin American Statesman. Woo yeah! I love when politicians attack middling newspapers. Watch out, Lubbock Bugle Standard! You’re next.

9:46 pm — Rick Santorum (there are two too many Ricks on stage) is threatening to repeal everyone of Obama’s regulations. He shall also sew Michelle’s vegetable garden with salt so nothing grows again!

9:50 pm — Wow there is just way too much discussion at these debates about the 1802 midterms elections. No I’m kidding there isn’t ever enough. Basically Gingrich was praising Jefferson for smacking down the court that year, except, whoops, that was the year before Marbury v. Madison established judicial review and truly made the Supreme Court an equal branch of power. For a History Professor Newt Gingrich sure is a fucking idiot.

9:55 pm — Yeah Newt Gingrich’s idea to get rid of courts he doesn’t like is kind of terrifyingly authoritarian. Good thing Newt wasn’t listening to what came out of his mouth or he’d be might embarrassed.

9:57 pm — Perry needs to stop talking about a Part Time congress. Seriously he is like the kid in the class begging to have class outside. It’s not gonna happen Ricky.

10:07 pm — Rick Santorum on Iran “They are a horrifying theocracy that impedes my friends’ and my ability to create a horrifying theocracy.”

10:15 pm — Ron Paul and Michele Bachmann have a great Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul cattiness going on. Sigh. Where is Herman Cain to be their Randy?

10:19 pm — Oy I wonder if Perry can find Syria on a map. Or for that matter his favorite country “Isruhl”. He really sounds like he is throwing up in his mouth when he pronounces foreign words.

10:24 pm — Finally, Huntsman comes forward as the candidate that will repair our fragile relationship with Canada. Pakistan? No I’ve never heard of that…

10:33 pm — Ooo “Fast and Furious” questions! I have some things I’d like to learn about Vin Diesel’s acting method myself…no I’m just kidding. Great to see Fox News asking questions about a controversy no one except Fox News viewers care about.

10:34 pm — Other things Rick Perry doesn’t understand: The Monroe Doctrine. Did you know that this debate was brought to us by the 1st quarter of the 19th century?

10:40 pm — Romney “I am firmly against discriminating against people because of their sexual orientation. Except legally.”

10:42 pm — Damn Chris Wallace does not like Mitt Romney. But maybe he bought that Romney line on Gays, Abortion and Guns “Protect marriage, protect life…with AR-13s!”

10:47 pm — Michele Bachmann’s newest campaign bumper sticker “Dead baaaaaaaaabies”

10:53 pm — Awww group hug at the end. I love you guys let’s do this again in 2015!

Thanks for stopping by for this kind-of boring debate. See you guys January 3rd! Oh who am I kidding I have nothing better to do than blog about this shit until then…

Advertisements

Written by Your Benevolent Editor

December 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: