E PLURIBUS MORON

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The Gospel of Tim Tebow

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Screw the meak and the orphans, everyone knows Jesus is OBSESSED with professional sports. Why do you think players are constantly thanking him? Because Jesus is the world’s best passing game coach.

Now, one of Jesus’s besties, Tim Tebow, is setting the profesionnal sports world on fire by kicking ass as the Bronco’s QB. Now there are plenty of black Jesus nuts in the NFL, but as we know Matt Drudge (the nation’s foremost sports guy) doesn’t care for the Afro Americans. But he has a big old Christ boner for Tim Tebow. Check out the screen shot from his website on Monday below.

And while Tim Tebow’s community work is actually genuinely a good thing (although he needs to shut the fuck up about his anti-choice politics. Seriously if no one wants to hear about Madonna’s politics why would we give two shits what a man with minor brain damage thinks?), I can’t help but wonder what would happen if Tim Tebow were as fanatical about a different religion.

Would Matt Drudge and Sean Hannity love him as much? I mean what if he were a devout Muslim? Or a devout atheist? I’d say Jew but, come on, my people are not built for football. I frankly would love it if Tim Tebow belonged to some crazy cult and exlaimed “Praise be Emperor Zacbralax and his Interdimensional Spaceship!!!” every time he threw a touchdown pass. Some people are all to happy to praise people for their “faith” but only when it’s the correct faith. Wow what an oddly serious and sports related post. I must pray to Emperor Zacbralax for guidance on finding my way back to cynisism.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

December 13, 2011 at 12:57 pm

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