E PLURIBUS MORON

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The 203K Lip balm holder

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Good news! The recession is over. Well it actually barely ever happened for the kind of person who would spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a single piece of clothing that won’t even match most of their shoes.

Of course the news of this wild fashion spending spree come from Texas, where style doesn’t so much go to die as it does go to be executed with an IQ south of 75. Apparently, a buyer in Dallas purchased a Hermes pocket book “made of crocodile hide and (also) features 18-karat white gold, diamond-encrusted hardware” for $203,150. This makes it both the most expensive handbag of all time and America’s gayest superlative.

When reading this news, we must consider what we ourselves would expect in a bag that cost 203k:

-$203,050 worth of cocaine

-The leather must come from one of Silvio Berlusconi’s many facelifts

-Cashmere kleenexes and mints that have all been licked by the Queen of England

-Some sort of time machine to 2006 when this would have been cool

-A pistol to shoot whatever moron bought this (hey, it is Texas!)

Indeed, I’m willing to bet that now that Texas Governor Rick Perry is just officially dead in the polls, that he’s just using his campaign warchest to buy his wife’s christmas presents while they still can.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

December 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm

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