E PLURIBUS MORON

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Professor Temporary-Republican-Front-Runner

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In case you were curious about what he’d with himself after he solved all the world’s problems, Newt Gingrich, who used to be a Professor (remember how much Republicans hate that Obama used to be a Professor?), told supports today “I think I will probably teach a course when I’m president. I think I will probably try to do something that outlines for the whole country what we’re going to try to accomplish, and offer it online sort of like the University of Phoenix or Kaplan.” Finally! A President who ignore regular Colleges and Universities with their phony baloney “accreddations” and “educational standards” for the glory of online schools!

And let’s hope that Newt doesn’t just teach us about history! There are so many wonderful subjects our nation’s students are dying to learn about from Gingrich. Just think how beautiful you’ll look when you get your hair done by a graduate of the Newt Gingrich Online School of Cosmetology. Need a private investigator to see, if like a certain former Speaker of the House, your husband is cheating on you as you lay dying of cancer? Newt Gingrich Online School of Justice produces top-notch gum shoes. The possibilities are depressing endless!

Suddenly my years of hard work at some stupid top ranked college seem deeply worthless…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 21, 2011 at 5:23 pm

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