E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

If at first you don’t succeed, fail fail again

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Somethings, like an album released by anyone who has won American Idol since 2006, are bound to fail. Such is the United States Congress’ Joint Select Committee on Deficit Refuction or “the Super Committee”.

As everyone has pretty much decided by now, this committee was just totally incapable of getting anything done. And it occurs to me that on top of this already massive failure, I bet these losers won’t have their shit together enough to make up some decent excuses for said failure. With that in mind, they may borrow these:

The Super Committee was a super disaster because…

…Committee member John Kerry is far too sexy to get anything done around.

…they got distracted and opened cupcake store, realized that market was already saturated, and was forced to fold.

…two words: rampant sexting.

…the Supercommittee would meet outside on nice days and members would just pull at the grass and not pay attention.

as the New York Times reported they were too friendly and creepy from the outset “Members of the panel, the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction, spent most of September and early October getting to know one another, and putting together staff. Meetings were largely friendly, with one member bringing beef jerky, another salads from a fancy take-out place near Capitol Hill. On Senator [Patty] Murray’s birthday, there were frosted cupcakes.”

…our nation is at a horrible ideological deadlock that won’t even be resolved in the next election because as Obama is likely to win reelection and Democrats will gain in the House, however Republicans be in control of the House and take over the Senate making Obama vetoer-in-Chief for four more horribly unproductive years.

…Rep. Xavier Beccara completely forgot to bring snacks on his assigned day.

…Jon Kyl was too busy sodomizing puppies #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

So there you have it! Our government is worthless. It’s time our nation experienced cruel authoritarian dictatorship. I shall grow a thick mustache and become your lovingly oppressive King!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

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