E PLURIBUS MORON

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Battling the Bieber Brigade

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Rejoice horny 13 year old girls: the lawsuit filed by the 19-year-old Mariah Yeader that claimed that Justin Bieber was her baby daddy has been dismissed. Hooray! Seriously, not since the immaculate conception has someone getting pregnant gotten so much (over all) media attention.

Of course, unlike Yeader, the Virgin Mary was lucky that she had God on her side, because not even the almighty can withstand the fury of scorned Justin Bieber fans (“@TheLordOurGod OMG his beard is so STOOPID lol everyone in our 8th grade HATEZ him”). I hope those 30 seconds of awkward teen sex she had with Justin were worth it (assuming they happened), because I am sure somewhere a group of tween girls are putting together a sparkly sticker-covered pipebomb to take this bitch out.

Indeed, falsely accusing Justin Bieber of being your baby daddy is like falsely accusing war criminal/form Liberian President Charles Taylor of being your baby daddy, chiefly because you should watch your mouth around someone with an army of murderous tweens who will do their every bidding.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 16, 2011 at 10:47 am

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