E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

A visit from good ol’ Uncle Newt

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Bigoted. Political opportunist. Full-of-shit muthafucka. Over his 20 year plus political career there have been so many different terms used to describe Newt Gingrich, and now that he is some how rising in the Republican president field, he’s now being called avuncular.

Why, just yesterday Fox News analyst/melting wax sculpture Brit Hume said that Gingrich had become “‘Uncle Newt’…He’s complimentary of his fellow candidates and  dumps over the president, which the Republican audiences love.”

Can you imagine what it’s like to have Newt Gingrich as your uncle? I bet it’s pretty sweet. Uncle Newt gives you nunchucks for your 11th birthday present. Uncle Newt takes you to your first whore house. Uncle Newt drives you around in his cadillac which he bought “with his own damn money—not like some welfare queen”. And the best part about Uncle Newt? Instead of a sweater for Christmas everyone get’s stuff from Tiffany’s! Like a beautiful tennis bracelet saying “For my dearest niece—Keep this away from our dirty Muslim President.”

So everyone get ready because Uncle Newt is here for the holidays. Plus, he’s that kind of uncle who somehow makes your own parents seem normal (I’m looking at you, Poppa Obama).

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm

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