E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Perry Campaign needs to go to a Farm Upstate

with one comment

Kids, please sit down. Your mother and I have some bad news for you: I know you love it, but it’s time to put the Perry Campaign to sleep. Now Rick Perry can still have a great time as the Governor of Texas chasing rabbits/executing minorities, but his campaign is very sick and suffering very badly. His excrutiating 53-second-brain fart at last night’s debate in Michigan showed us that ending his campaign is the humane thing to do.

Oh sure his campaign was adorable when it was young, running around saying it would execute Ben Bernanke and chewing on squeaky toys. But eventually it stopped being cute and this purebred conservative started just peeing all over itself. Throw in a percocious new guy named Herman Cain (must….resist…urge…to call him a chocolate lab…) and Perry’s campaign was ready for doggy heaven.

So kids, dry your tears. Aren’t you happy that for a brief moment there was a cuddily conservative who might actually be a serious candidate?

PS-Could it be that this whole Rick-Perry-for-President thing is an elaborate “Producers” style ruse? Perry has raised so much money for being such a shitty candidate, it’s almost as though his “Rootin’ Tootin’ Retard” character was designed to con wealthy Texans out of their oil money, then he’d be the “Springtime for Hitler” of candidates before finally bowing out and keeping all that cash.

Oh dear God please let that be the case.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 10, 2011 at 9:47 am

One Response

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  1. It’s a nice farm, right? With space to run and play, and no pesky homosexuals or liberals (I’m kidding, that’s the same thing!) to bother him?

    leahfranqui

    November 10, 2011 at 10:28 am


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