Bubbling brimstone smells like eggnog
No, I am not having a stroke, I swear that the title of this post will make sense in a second…
Let’s face it, Seltzer is our nation’s discount version of sparkling water. Oh sure, bubbly watery from the Alps costs $9.99 a bottle, but America’s version is only good enough for clowns to shoot at each other (and I guess mix with vodka to prove that while you are dependent on booze you are still too classy to drink it straight). Perhaps then in a misguided attempt to make Seltzer “hip” and “fun” the Seltzer producer Polar has announced they are producing an eggnog flavored holiday seltzer. What? I can’t imagine that will make the alcohol needed to tolerate one’s family during the holdiays go down any easier.
In fact, I’m gonna go ahead and say that a crystal clear bubbly egg and vanilla flavored drink is an abomination. There, I said it. If religious fanatics cared at all about how God feels they would surely start a crusade against this effervescent hellspawn.
So let’s honor the birth of Jesus by drinking Godly, Christian beverages. Like Whiskey. And Red Bull.